I was stationed in Germany when I was redeployed from Iraq; we got off a C-130 from Ballad and were greeted on the tarmac by three Vietnam vets. These three guys were so happy to see us, one would have thought they were waiting for us the entire year to return. They had food for us, hugs, and well wishes for our return. They mentioned later that they were determined to have each individual soldier know their service was appreciated and not in vein. It’s amazing how a stranger can genuinely care and make such a big impact on you at a time when you’re not even aware that you needed it.
When we arrived to our barracks, a tent was set up for a small welcome home ceremony where family members were reunited with their soldiers. The ceremony was overdramatic and just a show for those who had loved ones in attendance. For most of us who didn’t have anyone to come home to, we saw it as an obstacle between us getting on with our lives. I remember standing at parade rest, trying to figure out which was worse, war? Or being forced to be apart of that ceremony?
What were your first thoughts when you came home after serving?
After moving back to the US, I realized that nobody had any idea what was going on over there! I could’ve cared less who supported the war and who didn’t, but I couldn’t stand all the complaining and complacency I would see anywhere I went. The mind set of the average American made me angry. I swore I would never take anything for granted again.
What challenges did you face when you came home?
Feelings of depression, anger guilt, shame. I was so disconnected to everyone I love, and everything that I was looking forward to getting back to. I didn’t fit in; I was a fish out of water. I didn’t have anyone to share with that would get me, I didn’t know anyone else who had served and I didn’t have anybody to talk about things with.
How did you work through them?
The transition was really hard for me. I have a really close group of 5 friends, and thank god for them and my family too. I have no idea what they thought of me during that time. I was defiantly a different version of myself, dark, angry, quite, awkward. I was dealing with so much, most of which I didn’t share with anyone, nor did I realize fully what was happening to me. My friends could have very easily detached themselves from me, but they stood by me and they never let me slip, which I could have very easily.
They made me feel like the world stopped while I was gone, (which was far from the truth, a couple of my friends had even gotten married). They went out of their way to do things for me, to make me feel at home, they included me like nothing had changed.
Now, I am far from healed but I am in a much better place. It has been three years and I think back at the person I was and I am so thankful I made it out of that. My friends and family are responsible for my coming out of my “dark period”.
Links:
[1] http://iavaaction.org/files/Cara Hammer.JPG
